Asexuality: The A in LGBTQIA+
Hello and welcome to all my new subscribers! I am excited to join you in this journey to make your nonprofit organization a more welcoming environment. Please let me know if you have any specific questions or anything I can help you with. I hope that this becomes a conversation.
Today I want to talk about what I feel is an ignored part of the Queer community: Asexuality. This is a group that is not really shown in TV or movies. Offhand, I can only think of one Asexual, or Ace, character on TV: Todd in Bojack Horseman (one of my favorite shows!). In Archie comics, Jughead is asexual (and one of my favorite characters ever) but I think they changed that in the TV show Riverdale (He also doesn’t eat enough hamburgers but that’s another complaint for another day).
From early on, we are basically told that we will be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship as adults, but that is not what everyone wants. In sex education (assuming that we even get that in our schools), teens learn that we will eventually be attracted to boys or girls. But what if we aren’t attracted to anyone sexually or romantically? The reality is that most of the expectations around relationships and adulthood ignore the fact that some people are asexual. So what is asexuality and how can we make asexuals more welcome in our nonprofits?
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is a spectrum of identities used to talk about a lack of interest or limited interest in sex and/or relationships. Asexuality can sometimes be identified as its own sexual orientation, while others view it as a sexual behavior and will still identify as homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual, or bisexual (Meyer & Millesen, 2022). There are various aspects on the asexual spectrum, such as graysexual (someone who rarely have sexual attraction) and demisexuals (someone who has sexual attraction following an intimate bond) (Hille et al., 2019). Aromantic people who don’t experience romantic attraction to others (Hammack et al., 2018).
Just because people identify as asexual, it does not mean that they are not interested in a relationship. Some asexual people enter into romantic relationships with partners (Rothblum et al., 2019). These partners may be asexual or allosexual (meaning not asexual). Some asexual people identify as aromantic and have no interest in a relationship. Regarding interest in sex, it can vary from being interested only in those with whom they have a strong intimate bond (e.g. demisexuals), having interest in sex only rarely (e.g. graysexuals), being uninterested in sex but willing for partners that they love and trust, to being completely disgusted by the idea of sex (Hille et al., 2019). This spectrum means that every individual has a different experience as an ace.
What can nonprofits do?
There are many things nonprofits can do to support asexual and aromantic individuals. If you are working with teens and younger people, think about your language. Instead of talking about how everyone will be sexually attracted to one (or both) sexes, talk about how many people will be sexually attracted to other people, and some will not be. Make sure your educational spaces allow for the possibility that some people just won’t be interested in sex or relationships. Especially in sexual education, just like we don’t want to assume everyone will be straight, we don’t want to assume everyone will be allosexual. Talk specifically about the spectrum of asexuality to give people identities which match their experiences and feelings about sex.
When talking to people about their sexual identity and behavior, normalize the asexual aspect. If someone expresses a lack of interest in sex, it should be treated at face value instead of a trauma or something needing to be fixed. Understand that there are variations on asexuality, and people have their own relationship with sex. Furthermore, as mentioned before, asexuals may be in caring relationships with either another asexual or an allosexual. These relationships may be open (we will be talking about nonmonogamy within the queer community next week) or not.
There are resources for those who identify as asexual. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) is a wonderful resource for learning more about asexuality as well as for those who identify as asexual. Asexual Outreach provides outreach and advocacy for Aces and helps create local communities. They also have an inclusion guide for high schools, which can be found here. Lastly, Aces and Aros is a website clearinghouse for finding local supports and communities. These are wonderful resources which can help connect asexual individuals with others who are also on the asexual spectrum.
Conclusion
When discussing the queer community, we cannot forget the A! They are an important part of the LGBTQIA+ community but, I feel, they are often not talked about. Asexuality is a spectrum of identities, including asexuality, aromantic, demisexual, and graysexual. As individuals discover their own identities, helping them navigate their lack of interest in sexual and/or romantic relationships is important. Furthermore, normalizing asexuality and it’s spectrum from very early on can help teen asexuals understand that not everyone likes sex and relationships, and everyone’s relationship with sex is different.
References:
Hammack, P. L., Frost, D. M., & Hughes, S. D. (2019). Queer intimacies: A new paradigm for the study of relationship diversity. The Journal of Sex Research, 56(4-5), 556-592.
Hille, J. J., Simmons, M. K., & Sanders, S. A. (2020). “Sex” and the ace spectrum: Definitions of sex, behavioral histories, and future interest for individuals who identify as asexual, graysexual, or demisexual. The Journal of Sex Research, 57(7), 813-823.
Meyer, S., & Millison, J. (2022). Queer up your work: Adding sexual orientation and gender identity to public and nonprofit research. Journal of Public and Nonprofit Affairs, 8(1), 145-156.
Rothblum, E. D., Krueger, E. A., Kittle, K. R., & Meyer, I. H. (2020). Asexual and non-asexual respondents from a US population-based study of sexual minorities. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49, 757-767.