What to do when you make a mistake
Hello everyone! I have had quite a busy week. I submitted my tenure packet today, which means I am officially going up for tenure this year. If I am given tenure at my university, it will mean I will get a promotion and get to do some larger projects. I am excited to continue my work.
I want to talk a bit about acknowledging people’s gender identity and expression. Apparently, this has become a political flashpoint for reasons beyond my understanding. Every person has different identities. In the past, I have talked about nonbinary identities and the diversity of the LGBTQIA+ community in general. In the future, I will talk about the Gender Critical movement and it’s attack on transgender rights, but one of pillars of this movement is the refusal to refer to people as their gender identity, instead deciding on their own what each person’s gender identity should be.
But even when supporting LGBTQIA+ individuals, you sometimes make mistakes. Maybe you misgender someone, maybe you assumed someone’s sexual orientation. I often hear from people that they are so scared of making a mistake. So I wanted to talk a bit about what happens if you make mistakes, which happens. Here are a few tips:
Mistakes happen. Life goes on. If you misgender someone, apologize.
Don’t make a big deal about it. If you misgender someone and make a big deal about it, it’s a big deal. By not making it a big deal, you have space to learn and allows you to make mistakes.
Don’t make it about you. Sometimes you will make a mistake and make it about your feelings. It is not about you, nor is it a transgender (or any marginalized persons’) job to make you feel better about the work that you are doing.
Remember for next time.
You may be noticing that I have been focusing more on transgender identities and communities recently. The reason behind that is that the transgender community is under attack at a higher rate than the lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual community (though the whole LGBTQIA+ community is under attack with “Don’t Say Gay” bills, forced outing bills, and anti-drag bills). The map below, from the Movement Advancement Project (MAP) shows the state of policy across the US around gender identity and expression. As we can see, 20 states currently have the lowest rating for
I have talked throughout this blog about things your nonprofit can do; One of the big things that you can do is be there for your transgender clients. Listen to their concerns and have your organization be a safe space for the LGBTQIA+ community. Supporting LGBTQIA+ individuals does not take away from other communities or people; it just tells queer people that they are welcome in your organization during a time when some other places are not a welcoming or safe space.